White men, rejoice! At last, Viagra has teamed up with one of our favorite companies, States Reichs (“Because why stop at three?”) to bring you the Confederate Pill, a medication that promises that your South Will Rise Again.
At last, a remedy is available for the impotence that comes from wearing a Confederate flag for too many years. Sure, you lost the Civil War, but that doesn’t mean you need to lose your erections too!
Don’t let those softy lib-tards tear down your monuments!
We know us guys have the same problems: immigrants, impotence, and the inability to express the deep hurt that comes from not being loved by our fathers. Well, we can’t get rid of immigrants (yet) but we can help you become “the man of the house” with your rebel flag at full mast!
We promise that after just 72 doses, you will be seeing stars and bars! We cannot promise that women will want to be near you, but with this new lamestream media “consent” hoax, who can? Really none of us are safe as long as our country is being held hostage by women, immigrants, and science.
Let your member be as invigorated as you were learning how to vote in the 2016 erection!
Just as you like, our little red pill is completely unregulated with no government oversight! Of course, we can’t guarantee it’s safety and it’s probably just calcified horse semen, but we know our demographic can’t read more than a few words, so I think we’re good.
We would also like to thank some of our other sponsors including Cars That Plow Into Crowds of Minorities, and Assault Rifles (“Assault rifles, we shoot loads almost as quickly as you do.”)
• Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times
The Terminal Times 