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Fauci Recommends Washing Hands For 5 Months Straight To Avoid Coronavirus

National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease director Anthony Fauci says washing our hands for months in a row will likely eliminate the spread of COVID19.  “Look, I can’t predict where this virus is heading. But I do know that if we lock ourselves in our own bathrooms and continuously wash our hands from now…

Study: 93% Of Amish Families Still Have A Lot Of Corn

Surprising, isn’t it? In the midst of a global pandemic, those silly old Amish folks still have a lot of corn.  Self-isolation is nothing new to the Amish- the traditionalist Christian church fellowship has been quarantined by God since as early as 1693.  In a quest to investigate how the Amish are doing in this…

Magic Johnson Tests Negative For COVID But Definitely Still Has AIDS

In a recent study published by Men’s Health Magazine, it has been confirmed that Magic Johnson does not have COVID19 but definitely still has AIDS. “Still got it!” said Magic at press time. The magazine, focused on providing men with health tips and pictures of nearly naked men- is shocked by the results of Magic’s…

Biden Announces Plan To Run In 2020 Special Olympics

Former 2 term Vice President Joe Biden has officially unveiled his plan to run the Steeplechase in the 2020 Special Olympics. Most participants, who have more cognitive ability than Biden, were shocked by the lengths he would go to try and get the PC vote. Loretta Claiborne, inspiration to thousands and former Gold medalist in…

PETA Criticizes Animal Crossing For Not Giving Them Anything To Complain About

PETA has been waiting patiently for the release of “Animal Crossing: New Horizons,” a social simulation video game that places your character in a town full of friendly anthropomorphic animals, hoping that it might finally give them something new to complain about. Unfortunately, PETA has found nothing wrong with the game. “We greatly rely on…

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