Fish Tank Owner Struggling To Stop Getting Laid

Local fish tank owner Kevin Williams checked himself in to a mental institution on Sunday, claiming owning a fish tank was getting him too much tang.

“I’ve got 99 problems, but a fish ain’t one,” said Williams, a 32 year old postal worker from downtown Minneapolis.

This news comes just weeks after a local terrarium owner hung himself, writing in his Suicide note: “too… many… Hooters…”

Williams is projected to be released from the psych ward in February, planning to start a new life as a gay man who doesn’t own fish no more.

• The Terminal Times