Eric Trump Sheds Single Tear As Father Announces He’s “Proud, Boys”

The acceptance Eric has been craving for his entire life was granted to him while America’s two dad’s fought over who was the worst parent and who would eventually get custody of the dumpster fire they created.

“I will stand by for you, sweet sweet father,” said Eric as a single tear streamed down his  sheen-white face, “Just wait until Don Jr. hears about this!”

The President’s words have made ripples throughout the media. Many are shocked to see him so openly refuse to condemn his own two sons.

“He’s often said he’s proud of his girl – the fine piece of ass we all know as Ivanka – but he has yet to announce that he is proud of his boys,” said MSNBC Anchor Thomas Roberts, “We are shocked to see our President embrace his role as a father of men and not just someone who sexually harrasses his hot daughter.”

Tucker Carlson defended the President, stating, “He did openly condemn his two sons back in 2018, so why would he need to do it here? Sure, it sounds like he’s praising Don Jr and Eric and maybe even Barron, but he told them to stand back. He’s been actively fighting against them since he became President. He doesn’t need to say it in a debate.”

President Trump declined to comment on last night’s statement, but many believe that he is openly supporting his two sons – something critics have suspected about him since the 2016 election.

• Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times

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