Former Apprentice star and current collapsing star Donald J. Trump has picked his Supreme Court nominee: Judge Dredd. In his statement, President Trump praised his ability to pick someone as tough and hard on criminals as Dredd.
“I am the Law & Order President,” Trump said on Saturday, “and no one is harder on criminals than me. Except maybe Dredd. Which is why I chose him – he’s very very hard.”
The President also reflected that he could see why others may not understand the choice at first, “Should I have chosen someone hotter, like my daughter Ivanka? Many people would say yes and I would agree with them but do any other judges have their own movie franchises?”
Despite it being a wildly popular decision with his Republican base, it is rumored that Dredd was not his first choice. A White House official told us that, “At first, he tried to nominate Judge Judy. Then grown-up Bart Simpson. We actually went through a lot of television characters before we arrived on Judge Dredd.”
Responding to that, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said, “President Trump nominated Mr. Dredd and it is our Constitutional duty to vote on the President’s choice – whether they are real or not.”
Rumors in the White House is that he’s seeking to punch up his cabinet in preparation for the election. He’s already in the process of replacing Surgeon General Jerome Adams with Dr. Oz and Jared Kushner with literally any muppet that can emulate his amount of lifelessness.
- Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times