Couple Lost In Cheesecake Factory Menu Found After 2 Months

After 2 months of searching, missing Edina couple Mary and John Jenkins were found trapped and malnourished inside of the Ridgedale Cheesecake Factory’s offensively long menu. The couple arrived at the Cheesecake Factory in July to celebrate their three year anniversary, with food that’s not that great but not that bad either.

While searching through the appetizers chapter of the menu, the couple fell into a loop of averagely decent options. They decided on pretzel bites, but with cheese fondue or edamame? “We went for both,” said Mary, “because sometimes you want to eat white trash while being Japanese fancy.” 

After flipping through the 50 page main menu for an hour or so, reality warped and Mary and John morphed into the pages, staring up at a room full of fat people about to make the same mistake.

When questioned about the disappearance, General Manager Todd Hannigan said, “It’s a complete shock. We haven’t had an incident like this since we catered that one flight for Malaysian Airlines. Our chefs said the 50 page menu was to make us seem fancy enough to get away with this bland mediocrity. But… if those pilots got a hold of that menu, who knows…”

After suing for damages, the couple settled out of court for $1,000 in Applebee’s gift cards.

• The Terminal Times

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