Opinion: MAGAY – Make America Gay Again Yass

Our nation is more divided than ever, but if there is one thing we can all agree on is that America used to be a hell of a lot gayer.

If you look at the Founding Fathers (Declaration Daddies), you’ll see it everywhere. I mean, George Washington and Lafayette were relationship GOALS. What was REALLY Revolutionary about the War is the progressive relationships.

In fact, at the Battle of Concord, it was Washington and Lafayette that were responsible for the Cheek-Clap Heard Round the World. Some of these clues are even in the NAMES of the Founders themselves. John Adams? Adams’? John BELONGED to ADAM. He was ADAM’S. Who was Adam, you ask? HIS LOVER OF COURSE.

Not unlike Thomas Jefferson. Say it slowly. JEFF-HER-SON. “Jeff, her son is HOT” is what that name is trying to say.

And don’t think it stopped with the Declaration Daddies. Even Abraham Lincoln, the Emanci-panters himself, is part of America’s Gay History. Babe Lincoln wasn’t only concerned with keeping the Union intact during the Civil War – he reportedly had his own civil union he was trying to keep together. Honest Abe may have been honest, but he wasn’t straight.

I could go on all day (that’s what Abe said), but I rest my case. People need to WAKE UP and realize that we are being lied to about our history. We need to live up to our great pledge to be “One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, with Lesbians and Justice for All.”

God Bless America and God Save the Queen, YASS!

• Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times

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