Putin Encourages Russians To Vote In-Person For US Election

Trump’s hard work to energize the Russian vote is paying off in spades! Vladimir Putin, who recently declared smiling a public health crisis, is encouraging Russians to really “show up for the 2020 US Election.” 

In the statement, Putin expressed that he understands COVID-19 is a big concern for many of the Russian agents living in the US, but he asks them, “What is more frightening – a disease that you might die from, or disobedience that you will definitely die from?”

Putin went on to say that voting in-person is the only way to ensure fraudulent results. “We will not let a little disease stop us from exercising our Government-given right to vote in other country’s elections.”

Along with the threat of imminent death for insubordination, many Russians are just excited to cast a vote that actually gets counted. Fyodor Domitrivoch, a Russian national with 74 fake Twitter accounts, expressed his excitement at Putin’s forceful invitation. “I’ve waited my whole life travel to the US, get a job, start a family, and one day infiltrate a high-stakes Presidential Election for the sake of the Mother Country,” he said on a Reddit AMA, “that’s the America Dream.”

• Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times

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