Thrift Store Reopens, Closes Due To Low Demand Of Useless Trash

SAINT PAUL, MN – It’s been another sad day for local businesses. Today, “Benny’s Stuff Store” shut down due to the cruel, invisible hand of the free market.

“When it started out, we were getting so much stuff dropped off every day,” says owner, Benny Jensen, “it was like it was easier for people than trying to get someone to pay for all their old stuff. After a few weeks, the stuff was still coming in, we were even running out of room!”

Benny’s Stuff Store was wall-to-wall with the oldest gizmos, transistor radios, cotton-balled sweaters, stale crackers, and ambiguous meats. Business was booming.

But soon, things took a downhill turn. Although the supply got larger and larger, the demand stayed at an even-keeled disinterest. This was the thrift store’s eventual undoing. Within weeks, their profit margin was non-existent while their stuff was multiplying by the day. 

Why people didn’t come in to buy other people’s high school lettermen jackets, porcelain dolls, used underwear, and pornographic hotel paintings is beyond us!

“I guess one man’s trash is also… another man’s trash.”

• Jacob Nuckolls, Terminal Times

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