Despite Pandemic, Rainforest Cafe Continues To Provide Worst-Possible Dining Experience

As many area restaurants continue to close, Rainforest Café in the Mall of America continues to see a boom in customers, despite offering the worst dining experience possible. 

“People come to our restaurants expecting poor service, wildly overpriced entrees, and a creepy animatronic monkey,” says Chris Spivey, Midwest regional manager for Rainforest Café. “We believe we owe it to our customers to maintain that level of disappointment no matter what’s happening in the world.” 

Customers at the Mall of America location have reported confusingly long wait times for their food, as well as tables only being moderately brushed off between customers. 

“It took me 47 minutes to get my order of Rasta Pasta, and when it arrived my server spilled half of it on the floor,” one customer shared. “The table we sat at still had food on it, and we were seated directly underneath a robot parrot that squawked so loudly we could barely hear each other talk. It feels good to get back to normal, you know?”

Employees have all been instructed to wear face coverings but have been encouraged to still make their disdain for paying customers known through eyerolls and heavy sighs at even the smallest request. 

“Disinterested servers are part of the experience,” said Spivey while texting. “If a customer asks for more ketchup, or complains because they received the wrong order, we want them to still feel bad about inconveniencing the server. After all, we didn’t ask them to eat here.”

In addition, Spivey says that all gift shop items have been marked up by 15 percent, and that Rainforest Café will continue to require all children to lick all toys and animals before putting them back on shelves. 

“We’re doing what we can to help in the fight against COVID-19, but we still want customers to know there is a real chance they can get very, very sick at our restaurants,” Spivey says. “Ultimately, we want people to leave saying, ‘Jesus Christ. We paid $77 for this?’”

• Patrick Strait, The Terminal Times

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