“If You Want Something Done Right You Have To Do It Yourself,” Says God After Watching The Romans Botch His Son’s Murder

When we arrived at the Holy Gates located on Cloud 9 we were welcomed to the sight of Our Lord and Savior leaning over his desk, stammering to himself while loading a shotgun. “He is 30 and still living at home. I gave Pontius 30 donkeys with the guarantee that ‘my problem’ would be taken care of. Now I’ve got a whole new religion to deal with.”

God was distraught with the news that his disowned son was able to return just three days after being stabbed repeatedly by his Roman puppets. Riding off in his chariot of fire, he muttered, “I knew I should’ve hired a Jew.”

• The Terminal Times