Fitness Model Reveals Shocking Health Tip: “Be Rich”

“Sorry, I just got done going Live,” says Instagram Fitness Superstar Ashley “Thigh Gap” Gunderson, “My followers just can’t get enough of me. But can you blame them?”

We met Gunderson at one of her homes in Hollywood Hills, “Yes, my other home is about 3 miles downhill, so I can run to it, grab a bottle of purified water, and run back for a tight 6 miles.”

When asked what the secret to her success is, she responds, “Honestly, diet and exercise. Also having more than 45% of the world’s wealth doesn’t hurt.”

For food, she says her diet is all organic. “Oh, yeah, I only eat meat that has lived a USDA-Certified-fulfilled life. I always tell my followers a contented pig gets that booty big.”

She also eats an ancient energy-boosting root called Maca, “Yes, I buy it locally. Sure, you can buy it online, but I prefer to have the Ecuadorian farmer who makes $1.50-a-year dodge the border guards to deliver it to me personally.”

When asked if her body is achievable for others, she replies, “Of course! Am I rich enough to genetically clone Gal Gadot and put my consciousness in that body? Of course! But that doesn’t make this any less achievable.”

“Yeah, a lot of my followers have children, school, jobs, but I always say that your number one job is to take care of your body. That’s what I did! And I’m rich.”

• Jacob Nuckolls, The Terminal Times

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