Twitter Warriors Rest After Long Day Of Being Offended

Josh and Kelli set down their swords (phones), still wet with the blood of today’s battles. Their Twitter-patrolling has become a national phenomenon. Together they are the couple famous for “being able to ruin anything,” but it is not without its price. 

“My hands are raw from all this clapping-back,” said Josh. Kelli nodded in agreement, “Our fingers are beefy and our hearts are heavy.”

Since 2015, they have made it their mission to scour Twitter to root out anything possibly offensive or joyful. “So many of these tweets are written in English,” said Kelli, “that’s devastating because that’s the language that Nazis speak.”

“I think of us as educators,” Josh stated, “we’re slaying ignorance. So many people tweet without knowing just how many insecurities people can project on their statement.” 

Still, they refuse to be labeled as heroes. “Don’t call us heroes,” said Kelli, “that’s too gender-specific.”

They did say that if we share this article on Twitter, they will have to take up arms against us. We tweeted “Good morning,” in 2017 without realizing that, “for many people, millions even, it’s not a ‘good morning.’ It’s the worst morning of their life.”

  • Jacob Nuckolls, The Terminal Times

2 thoughts on “Twitter Warriors Rest After Long Day Of Being Offended”

  1. Great funny short piece, with very visual descriptions. I hear that some parts of Twitter are like that, but I’ve personally been lucky to stumble upon great communities on there. Happy tweeting!


  2. Haha – brilliantly written! Loved this. Made me laugh. I love the quote “My hands are raw from all this clapping-back” can;t wait to see more from you! Followed!

    Liked by 1 person

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