Bart Simpson Placed On Sex Offender Registry After Exposing Himself

Shortly after being caught trespassing on an elementary school bus, Bart Simpson, a 36 year old 10 year old, exposed his buttocks to a bus field with children en route to Springfield Elementary. 

Judge Roy Snyder gave Mr. Simpson a plea deal that required him to write “I will not expose my buttocks” 500 times on his homeroom chalkboard, and to register on the county’s sex offender watchdog website. When asked if he had a closing statement before sentencing, Bart replied, “Eat my shorts!”

At a press conference, Springfield police Chief Clancy Wiggum had a few choice words for the young man. “My boy Ralphie went to school with the kid. That Bart ain’t right.” From the back of the room, Ralphie said “I went to school with the butt guy!” 

In other local news, Kwik-E-Mart owner Apu Nahasapeemapetilon is being tried for an illegal immigration case that involves his wife and eight kids.

• The Terminal Times

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