WHO Recommends Taking Murder Hornets Casually For A Few Months Before Declaring It A Global Emergency

“We’re trying to be more laid back,” said WHO spokesperson Christian Lindemeier. “Sure, the hornets’ stingers are big enough to penetrate bee-keepers’ suits and they will most likely decimate the bee population and subsequently the environment, but let’s not go overboard here.”

This response to the invasive species of hornets comes fresh off the WHO’s mellow response to COVID-19. In a statement on Monday, they announced they will continue operating with a two-step plan: 1) ignoring it and hoping it goes away, and 2) declaring that the end is nigh and everyone should have taken this much more seriously when it started. 

“I mean, we got too serious about the Swine Flu and look how that turned out,” said Lindemeier, “catching this kind of stuff early is just embarrassing because so few people die and then everyone thinks we overreacted.”

They’ve decided not to put on labels on it quite yet and “see how things go.” 

“Is it our job to look out for the well-being of the world? Yeah. Are there steps we can take now to minimize damage? Sure. Will we do anything yet? Hell no, don’t be so paranoid.”

• Jacob Nuckolls, The Terminal Times

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