“Life Is Awesome” Says Dude Who Just Got Laid

In a small town in northern Iowa, Andy Ilkin is on top of the world. “I got laid last night,” said Andy. “It was awesome.”

After years of striking out, Andy finally hit a “home run.” Overwhelmed with glee, the 23 year old communications major at Davenport University had a hard time expressing himself at a press conference on Thursday. “It was so dope, you gotta try it,” spouted the recently sexed out savage before roller-skating into the sunset, with sex in his heart and love on his mind.

– The Terminal Times