New Report: GOP Puts Actual Price Tag On Human Health & Decides They’ll Get Back to Us

Finally, some common sense in our government! When told what the cost of saving millions of lives would be, the Trump Administration made the sensible decision to give it some thought before rushing into anything.

Once again, we have leaders that count the costs. “We are constantly being told of all this rash, superfluous spending to ‘preserve’ human life when human life has barely shown it to be worth it,” said Jared Kushner while readjusting his eerily human-latex mask.

“Why should the economy die for people that wouldn’t die for the economy?” said Trump’s top medical advisor Rush Limbaugh, “Are we going to suffocate the free market just so a few million people can breathe?” In this time of national crisis, we find ourselves with  a leader who asks the important questions like, “Do we really need ventilators?” and “What’s a ventilator?”

This Administration has taken a hard stance against wild claims by the media. “I’m sure this is just another hoax like Climate Change,” says Vice President Mike Pence to a completely empty room, “after all, you can’t have global warming and a global cold, can you? I mean, get your stories straight.” 

Pence went on to say several other unrelated things about how he plans to “keep other things straight.” 

While Trump declines to give us the actual price his associates have placed on Public Health, he assures us that it’s, “Almost as much as the economy.”

  • Jacob Nuckolls, The Terminal Times

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