Fauci Recommends Washing Hands For 5 Months Straight To Avoid Coronavirus

National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease director Anthony Fauci says washing our hands for months in a row will likely eliminate the spread of COVID19. 

“Look, I can’t predict where this virus is heading. But I do know that if we lock ourselves in our own bathrooms and continuously wash our hands from now until August it will likely end this pandemic,” says Fauci. “It will help us with our social distancing and keep us vigilant with our hygiene.”

When Trump commented on Fauci’s remarks he said, “Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, I like most short people. But I can’t have him telling people that bathrooms are for washing hands. Diapers are for number 1’s and bathrooms are for number 2’s. I know that. We all know that. We are already having issues with toilet paper and now he wants people to get worked up about soap? I can’t have that. I don’t want to be at Easter with my family locked in the bathroom.”

We caught up with Dr. Fauci in the hallway after the press briefing. As we approached, the doctor was rubbing his temples and desperately trying not to vomit into his hands. He then took a handful of medication and washed it down with an unknown liquid from a hidden flask in his coat pocket while muttering a gradually quieting f-bomb into the unsanitary void.

The Terminal Times

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