Local Woman Accidentally Nice To Homeless Man After Mistaking Him For A Hipster

For Molly Freeman, this March’s COVID infested Friday the 13th quickly became scarier than expected. At about 10:30 that morning Molly found herself outside of the popular uptown barcade “Up-Down” speaking to whom she thought was an Uptown hipster.

“At first  glance he had all the tell-tale signs of being a beer snob bohemian; the flannel shirt, the ripped jeans, and the faint yet romantic smell of urine and fermenting yeast,” Molly recalled. “And he was so cute. The dirty beard, the edgy malnourished look, and the just yellow enough teeth screamed ‘I’ve got a liberal arts degree and this look is by choice!’ In the first 15 seconds of seeing him, I knew we’d be going home together.” 

Molly said she thought nothing of the UpDown bouncers not letting him in- “I thought his lack of wallet and ID was just a passive form of social commentary.” In response to the bouncers disapproval, she suggested they just go have a beer at his place- but little did she know, his “place” was literally anywhere. When the man picked up his 2nd cigarette butt from the sidewalk and then rustled through the trash for a 3rd, Molly soon realized that this man was no hipster, but a vagrant trying to buy crack. 

            “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to spend money on Uber so I spent the night with him under the bridge at Hennepin and Lyndale. His place was an actual pile of trash… But I can change him. I’m going back tonight with all of my Amazon boxes.” 

  • The Terminal Times, 3-20-20

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